chips, the other cheaper than freedom fries, and in each the future of
mankind is threatened.
The ear-shatteringly-loud special FX-crowded GI Joe, co-produced by the
Hasbro toy company, manufacturers of the eponymous Action Man doll, pits
megalomaniac Scottish arms tycoon Christopher Eccleston against the secret
international peacekeeping force known as GI Joe and headed by General
Dennis Quaid. The bad guy has headquarters under the polar icecap, the
good guys have a 10-storey base beneath the Sahara.
Nothing less than the future of western civilisation is at stake as they
battle for possession of a special warhead that dissolves anything it
touches, its most familiar target being the Eiffel Tower. This is a
militaristic, borderline-fascistic movie, the kind of thing that makes the
Pentagon seem as threatening as the pentagram.
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus pits against each other the two largest marine
behemoths, awakened from their age-old slumber in the Pacific by unwise
scientific experiments. The shark can shatter the Golden Gate Bridge and
jump 15,000 feet into the air to destroy an airliner; the octopus can down
a helicopter with one flick of a tentacle and crush an offshore oil
platform. Fortunately, a cute American marine biologist and a Japanese
oceanographer have a eureka moment while having sex on the laboratory
floor and set out to save the world. The risible special effects and the
clumsy acting recall not Roger Corman productions but the ineptitude of Ed
Wood, though the result is far less endearing.
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